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Keeping Your Head, Heart and Hope During Times of Uncertainty
As many of you know or may have noticed over the last several years, I typically send our newsletter in the final hours of the month—Sometimes on the 29th or 30th when I am really impressive. As much as I tend to usually thrive in that pressure prompted situation, it seemed appropriate to send this newsletter out sooner this month due to the current state of things. Believe it or not, this was not to be just one more email in your inbox regarding the current coronavirus because if you are at all like me you have received an email from just about every company you have ordered one thing from…ever. I wanted to focus this newsletter on how best to take care of yourself and your child emotionally and mentally given the current climate since I believe that there are many clear ways to do this.
Here are some tips and strategies to help you this month. Please use or alter these strategies as needed to fit your situation.
- Limit exposure to media for yourself and for your child—Right now is a time when people are being inundated with information about the virus. Be aware of this. While things are changing often in many ways from the media outlets, messages from government or health care officials, school administrators, etc. and it is important to gather information having a constant barrage of information is not healthy. Also, sitting and having the news on for hours and hours will not often give you a lot of new information, but will often negatively impact your mood. It is often much healthier to turn on the news or check online sources for short periods as this will alert you to important updates, but will not inundate you consistently with negativity. In addition, it is critical to keep in mind that the news often reports more negative things. For example: While it can be very important to know about the latest confirmed cases of coronavirus it is also helpful to hear about people who have also safely recovered (but these stories are rarely news headlines, but they exist so if you want balanced accurate information you have to search for them).
2. Control the message you provide for your child—This goes along with limiting exposure to media in tip #1 and saving more adult conversations and problem solving for when children are out of the room. While you might spend time accessing news and media sources, you might choose to thoughtfully create the message you give to your child. I know for our Quest kids they are all so different and unique. Some will have a million questions about what is going on, some will just be ecstatic to have a break from school regardless of the reason and some won’t ask any questions or say much. You are the expert on your child so you can think about what type of messaging will likely work best. This message might include statements such as:
-“Even though some things are changing right now, as your parents we will make many choices to keep you safe.”
-“It can be hard or scary when things change unexpectedly. We will figure this out together just like we figured it out when ___________ happened. We will use our coping skills when we need to. We are a team.”
3. Be a flexible problem solver—This is a big thing we teach our Quest campers and now is the time for us all to put this into place. A lot is changing fast and it is a total mind shift. The sooner we can lose the thoughts about that is “not how we do things” or “I always do it this way” and instead start thinking, “What is my problem to solve?” “How can I get to a creative solution?” “What are my options?” “What have I never tried before?” I can tell you when I say to your children at camp, “I know you are a great problem solver, what can you come up with? I will be excited to see it.” When I do this, our campers, tend to take a second, then they often smile, then they usually come up with something really great and creative—often way above my paygrade. You are capable of doing this same thing with your kids if they are getting stuck, but I am actually talking to you just as much right now. We are the ones who are set in the ways we shop, the ways we socialize, the ways we work, etc. Right now we are being pushed to rethink the way we do things. While this change is tough, this is also an opportunity in many ways.
4. Practice self-care and use your coping skills—Tensions are running high and it can be a lot to deal with fears regarding the coronavirus, changed schedules, unexpected school closures, economic and social changes. It can be really important to monitor your own emotions and intensity level throughout the day as well as those of your child. As we know from brain science as the intensity of our emotion rises, we lose our ability to problem solve so it becomes crucial to utilize coping strategies, let alone this helps decrease our risk of anxiety, depression and decreases the stress reaction of our children.[1-3]
5. Have hope and faith despite not having all the information—Hope is defined as having a confident expectation or optimism that something will happen. While having hope is a mindset, to me it is more than that, because it is a choice and it is a value judgement. Hope is the anchor for me so my other values connect to it and my mood and my choices all hinge on it because it is without a doubt one of my core values. What is your core value and how does it help you in times of uncertainty? Your core value might not be hope, but what is it? How is it a strength for you and your family? How does it serve you in times of hardship, uncertainty or struggle? Is it your work ethic, your spirituality, your resilience, your drive, your energy, the way you connect with others, the way you see the beauty in the world around you, etc.? How do you want to communicate this value and how it can be helpful for you and your family?
6. Now is a great time for experiential learning to teach empathy—At Quest, the cornerstone of what we do is use experiential learning to teach our kids lessons. While this current situation is not the manner or method I would have necessarily picked, it is here. Last summer was literally our “summer of empathy” in which we taught multiple things fitting with the foundations of empathy including: teaching our kids to better understand their own feelings, the feelings of others, to use their words to express their feelings, thoughts, and needs, how to work to take the perspective of others and how to engage in both small and large acts of kindness to help others were all foundations related to being an empathetic individual. Now is a big opportunity to practice all of these skill areas in a real setting, which is how kids learn best. Right now is a time in which we are being asked (or required) to make small and large changes. It can be a time to explain to your child how when we engage in acts such as washing our hands, following safety guidelines, and changing behaviors like staying inside how we are not just safe for ourselves, but how we help others we know, but also others that we do not know. This to me is a true form of kindness and empathy and I want our kids to know their place in this and how they can make positive decisions that impact others. I also see how there are people out making offers to shop and leave groceries on doorsteps for seniors so that these seniors are not leaving their homes, etc. There are so many ways to stay connected and share kindness in this current culture. How do you want to be a part of this climate? What messages do you want to share with your children about this?
I hope this list of things to do and consider this month serves you well. Please let us know if we can assist you further this month as you work to keep your head, heart and hope despite the current situation.
[1] Bourne, E. J. The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook. New Harbinger Publications.
[2] Cortisol study Granger, Douglas. Presentation at the CHADD Conference, October 2016. Costa Mesa, CA.
[3] Ha. T. and Granger, D.A. (2016) Family Relations, Stress and Vulnerability: Biobehavioral Implications for Prevention and Practice. Family Relations, 65, 9-23.
UPCOMING PROGRAMMING
School Year Programming
We are running an eight-week evening therapeutic groups are designed to provide therapy by specifically targeting individualized goals for our campers. Group will be 75 minutes through telesession and include time for campers to have conversations, interact in positive prosocial ways through game play, and build skills through structured lessons. Group and home goals will be part of the group, with bonuses being awarded through Target gift cards.
Spring Group Starts March 30!
Summer Programming
Quest’s intensive summer program offers 7 weeks of programming (6 weeks of day camp and 1 week of residential). The summer program includes individualized behavior plans, group therapy, occupational therapy, a social thinking curriculum, mindfulness activities, yoga, soccer, games in the park, and field trips (beach, Boomers, Rockin’ Jump, Discovery Science Center, bowling, etc.) to create a fun and engaging, therapeutic camp experience for children.
Weekly parent meetings are also included. The summer program has been found across multiple studies to significantly reduce hyperactivity, impulsivity, aggression, and inattention, while improving peer relations, family relations, athletic competency, behavioral control and self-esteem. Quest has also been found to improve social awareness, social cognition, social communication, and social problems.
Summer Camp Dates are:
June 22, 2020 through August 6, 2020