April 2016

Parents Work Too Hard to Make Kids Happy and this Negatively Impacts Children’s Perception and Their Actual Ability to Problem Solve

Dr. Gilboa, who presented for the American Camp Association recently this is a reflection of how young adults are not being taught as children to be successful problem solvers. She cited research that demonstrates that only 2% of the time a child faces a problem a parent must fix, such as during a safety issue. However, 98% of the time a child needs a compassionate adult at a distance who is empathetic WITHOUT intervening. Research further shows college students, on average, call their parents 13 times a week asking for guidance in problem solving situations. [1]

There is also a lot of great research presented and tips for parents regarding helping children to develop their problem solving skills in the book, How to Raise a Child with a High EQ: A Parents’ Guide to Emotional Intelligence, by Dr. Lawrence Shapiro.

While the book has many great insights regarding building emotional intelligence a few of the points specific to the problem solving section of the book are included here:

“When given the opportunity and encouragement, however, our kids are capable of looking at all sides of an issue and solving very complex problems, improving the quality of their lives, as well as the lives of others (pp. 135).” [2]

“Another common misconception is that problem solving has much more to do with intellectual development (IQ) than with emotional and social skills (EQ)…a growing body of evidence suggests that social experience and familiarity with the problem may be the more critical factor… [Stephanie Thornton, professor at the University of Sussex] concludes that successful problem solving depends less on how smart children are and more on their experience. Thornton explains that previous research…relied on tests where children were unfamiliar with the type of problem that was presented to them (pp. 137).” [3]

“With every positive problem-solving experience we can give our children, we build a storehouse of facts and experiences on which they can draw to solve the next problem. Thus we are creating pathways for problem solving that begin with their natural developmental drives, but which connect and reconnect through knowledge and experience (pp.138).” [4]

“Thorton explains that when emotions are not involved, children instinctively learn many different strategies to solve a single problem….With interpersonal problems, the connection between the logical brain and the emotional brain may be short-circuited. In neurological terms, the amygdala loses its ability to form interconnecting pathways with the cortex, and so relies exclusively on its own ’emotional logic.’…But in many cases, particularly when strong emotions are involved, only the dispassionate help of the cortex can guide the brain toward finding realistic and effective solutions.

When children practice finding solutions to their problems, they establish connecting pathways between the emotional and the logical parts of the brain (pp.153).” [5]

Since parents need to be good role models for their children it can be helpful to use a checklist to do some systematic problem solving.

Parent’s Problem-Solving Checklist

___ Did you try to think of several strategies to solve the problem?
___ Did you clearly define the problem?
___ Did you allow everyone involved in the problem to have a real say in its solution?
___ Did you discuss the good and bad points of each idea, even those ideas that were not your own?
___ Did you remain calm of refrain from blaming others?
___ Did you make an honest attempt to have the solution work?
___ Did you acknowledge other people’s efforts in arriving at the solution?
___ Did you make a backup plan in case the solution didn’t work? (pp. 141). [6]

Things to Note for Children with Some Special Needs

I often find that some of the children we work with who have attention, social, and learning difficulties often are given less to problem solve than other children and this starts a negative feedback loop. Parents want to support their children and not overwhelm them, but unfortunately sometimes this leads children to be less willing to try new things that they are capable of. Also, we specialize in working with children who struggle with certain types of cognitive inflexibility so it often takes special approaches to get our campers to see themselves as flexible people who are great problem solvers, who are also resilient and capable of trying many new things–This to me is what Quest Camp is all about!

Regarding the research presented above that only 2% of children’s problems involve a safety risk, this is an underestimate for children with some special needs. For example, we know that children with ADHD are more likely to be hit by cars and are more likely to need more support and often more time to develop before they are ready to become successful drivers themselves. What becomes important is to know the risks for children and give them time to develop the skills they need and build their experiences over time. For instance, it is critical to teach children the skills regarding how to solve problems, help them perceive themselves as good problem solvers, and give them real opportunities to demonstrate competency, but not make the skill something like crossing through a parking lot alone until the child is meeting many other similar less dangerous problem solving skills consistently at 100% proficiency.

The other important distinction for children with attention, social, and learning difficulties is often there is a significant difficulty with emotion regulation. Research demonstrates that when we are activated emotionally (otherwise known as the amygdala hijack) we lose up to 15 IQ points making it difficult to think clearly and solve basic problems we were able to solve a short time before. Knowing this research it is paramount to always calm down first and then problem solve. At Quest, our primary goal is always to help children label their emotions and de-escalate when they are feeling sad, mad, or worried since it is not possible for them to process what they are seeing or hearing or effectively come up with good solutions until this is accomplished.

One example from last week at our Quest group while our campers were working on a large team Lego project was when one of our campers approached me to ask me to find a specific Lego part. I first assessed that this camper wasn’t emotionally elevated and didn’t need to calm down first so we proceeded to the next step. I identified that he had done a good job identifying this as a problem and I stated that I “know you are a good problem solver.” I then asked, “Since I know you are capable of solving problems since you are a good problem solver, what do you think you might be able to do next to find the Lego piece you need?” The camper was then able to come up with an idea or two and I was given the opportunity to add in a supplemental piece to his idea that would help him be successful. Some of our campers need more support than others so this might look slightly different, but in this case, he was able to ask a peer independently for the needed Lego piece and I was able to offer a bonus for “good problem solving.”

Children with special needs are great problem solvers when they are calm, believe that they are capable, and our given supportive opportunities to try. It is our job to create these opportunities at home, in school, at camp, and in the larger community so that we can have a new generation capable of leading with good character.
[1] Dr. Deborah Gilboa. presentation on Problem Solving at the Spring Leadership Conference for the American Camp Association, April 2016. www.askdrG.com.

[2-6] Shapiro, L., (2010) How to Raise a Child with a High EQ: A Parents’ Guide to Emotional Intelligence, Harper Collins e-books

School Year Programming

School year therapy groups are ten-week afternoon therapeutic groups that are designed to provide therapy by specifically targeting individualized goals for our campers.

A minimum of one hour includes therapeutic activities that heavily target the development of social skills, emotion regulation, and positive behaviors, while the next hour focuses on further skill development by providing a variety of experiential activities as part of a group to create opportunities to observe the child in a natural setting and intervene to facilitate change. Some quarters provide a special emphasis to improve skills, while other quarters have a more general offering based on the campers’ interests and often include programming in areas such as video game making, drama, art, movie making, etc.

Winter Group Dates are:
January 4th – March 8th
Wednesday Evenings 5:30 to 7:30
at the Central Library in Huntington Beach

Summer Programming

Quest’s intensive summer program offers 7 weeks of programming (6 weeks of day camp and 1 week of residential). The summer program includes individualized behavior plans, group therapy, occupational therapy, a social thinking curriculum, mindfulness activities, yoga, soccer, games in the park, and field trips (beach, boomers, rock climbing, ropes course, bowling, etc.) to create a fun and engaging, therapeutic camp experience for children.

Weekly parent meetings are also included. The summer program has been found across multiple studies to significantly reduce hyperactivity, impulsivity, aggression, and inattention, while improving peer relations, family relations, athletic competency, behavioral control and self-esteem. Quest has also been found to improve social awareness, social cognition, social communication, and social problems.

Summer Camp Dates are:
June 26 through August 10th